Convicted and conversion is coming -- one song at a time!

Convicted:

I’ve loved rap music for years, and when I started running about 4 and a half years ago, this was my music of choice. Must be the public school girl in me, but I am motivated by these tunes. Give me a base line and I am a happy girl. So, upon hearing this for the first time, people are shocked. It is pretty rediculous, I know. What in the world! Over the past year or so, I’ve been convicted to give it up. Bye-bye Jay Z, bye-bye Snoop D-Oh-double-G. So here I am again. I put it away and I sneek it back in on my playlist. My children (of course) have figured out the iphone and I walked in to find them listening to some of this music --- YIKES – not a very good parental example here. I am horrified! EEK!!!

Finding that they have a "love for the beat" too. Check out the video of Reed dancing to a song I found on a golf commercial (NO WORDS!!! LOVE IT!) dressed in goves, football pants, orange goggles, socks on his arms, and a basketball jersey.

 

Hello blackmail for future girlfriends!!! I guess it could have been a lot worse!!

But as I live out my faith, this is one of those “Secrets” that I keep on that hidden playlist. Ugh, sin – seems like a little one, but I know that God is convicting me to stop – while running I could be taking that time to praise Him and pray for others. And SIN is SIN! He does say, to pray without ceasing, and it’s kinda hard to pray or communicate with God when nonsense is screaming in your ear. It makes me think of Paul, who I can relate to when he penned this verse (I think of this verse literally DAILY):   I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. – Romans 7:15. What I should be doing is praying, studying the Bible, memorizing by Bible verses. But what I do is play on FB, instagram, watch TV, listen to rap music!!

Thankfully another verse was brought to my attention TODAY at our revival and this was it:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8. (Thanks again, Paul).  So lovely and most rap music don’t really go together…so thankful for this reminder.

And I love some praise and worship more than just about any music out there, and as God is molding me into who He wants me to be I am getting there. And I have listened to my Christian rappers Trip Lee and Shai Linne and I am learning to love them more and more. A few weeks ago, I finished one of the hottest runs in a awful time and short distance and “Sweet Child O’ Mine” by Guns and Roses came on (I know, baby steps), and I realized that I am God’s sweet child and He’s getting me there one message at a time! The added bonus that day, when my run was over  – Tim Tebow (via Nike run) told me what a GREAT job I had done and he couldn’t wait to see me back out there tomorrow!” Thanks Tim! Godly influences are everywhere aren’t they? Even when we least expect it.

Here are some favorites on my playlist at the moment:

1.       Sweet Child O’Mine – Guns and Roses

2.       High Road – High Road III

3.       Southern Girl – Amos Lee

4.       Something Beautiful – NeedtoBreathe

5.       Philosopy – Ben Folds Five

6.       Mirrors -- JT (gotta have a little JT every once and a while)

7.       Lose My Soul – TobiMac

8.       Speaking Louder Than Before – Jeremy Camp

So it’s a work in progress, just like we all are. Getting closer and constantly striving to honor Him.

 

 

 

Hold Your Horses!

I love a project and sometimes I just get in the mood and I can’t do anything until said projuct is complete. Sure you can drink that COKE in the LIVING ROOM. Yes you can dump out EVERY SINGLE TOY out of your toy box(s) into the floor. Have fun while I am painting this canvas. Some people do drugs, my mom says she eats chocolate, I make stuff.

I also love Dirt Cheap!!! I know it’s pretty gross in there most of the time and when I was 9 months pregnant with Mary Flynn (acutally the day before I had her) I made Rob go in there with me and he proceeded to knock over 15 coffee cups off a shelf, and swore he’d never go back, and he’s kept his promise. Probably for the best since I sometimes look at my clock and realize it’s been over an hour – time warp. Still using and LOVING that Paula Deen dutch oven I got that day! I hate it, but I am hoping to see more of her stuff in there soon with WM not carrying her line anymore! I sometimes hesitate to buy things at Target because I am afraid they will get it at Dirt Cheap and I will be mad at myself for paying full price. I actually have a lamp shade on one of my buffet lamps in the living room that I got from there and I won't buy it at full price at target because I JUST KNOW I'm gonna find it at DC eventually -- so we have miss-matched lamp shades. Probably doesn't drive anyone crazy but me and it's my own fault. Anyway, it’s so sparatic it’s like a surprise every time you go in. But it’s the closest thing to Target we have in this little town, so I will take what I can get. I had become a little disenchanted over the last few months, but I have gotten some pretty awesome stuff there over the years! I digress…

Here is where two of my loves came together on Saturday. First, I saw this on IG!

 I just LOVE that saying – so Southern, so reminds me of my childhood, and so something I say just about every day to at least 1 of my 3! When talking to a friend about making it for me and we were talking about canvases I realized where to go – DC!!!  And like I said, I am quick to pull out the spray paint and ribbon and get my craft on from time to time (these times seem to be eternities apart – when I get to heaven, there will be lots and lots of crafts, art, ribbon, paper, paint, etc., in my mansion – I will finally get around to all those projects I have pinned on Pinterest. J).

So I pop in to my local DC and look what I found – this lovely canvas of some European city. And the price -- $2.00!!! Yeh-Yah!!!  PROJECT READY!

After spray painting white, then gold (LOVE! METALLIC! SPRAY! PAINT! – may be about to paint A LOT of stuff around the house with that), I meticulously cut out letters that I printed out HUGE. All while playing a Saturday morning game of CLUE! (which I lost because you have to pay attention and I was busy cutting, thank you Rob).

 

And then I glued the letters onto the canvas, let them dry (not long enough), then painted over that with Chalk paint. And here is the final project. My letters kinda stuck and my blue paint seeped under them too, but I must say I LOVE the look. And the saying!! And it now hangs right by my back door, where 9 times out of 10 I am saying, “Hold your Horses,” – I probably need to make another one that says, “You need some shoes on!”

p.s. I also made this dip this weekend from this month's Southern Living to test for tailgating and let me just say for the record -- it is awesome! It was in their Tailgating feature, which did not show Mississippi State on one of those cute cupcakes. :-( We will still have fun at our tailgate and cheer on our DAWGS though! This recipe WILL be “On the sidewalk” in 2 less than two weeks! Go DAWGS!!!

 

Fits of Mercy

I love my kids, I really do but sometimes, somedays, they can suck the life out me and I have to laugh (and want to cry). Mary Flynn has taken to some “doozy” fits of epic proportions. You tell her “No,” (or yes for that matter) and well, all you know what can break loose! Yes, I know she is 2 and learning to make her own decisions but GEEZ!!! Rob looked at me the other day and said, “I’m taking the spawn to school.”

Saturday night, after a busy day of birthday parties, birthday dinners, and a visit with some friends (with no nap, mind you) we start home at around 10 p.m. This sweet little angel baby two year old starting screaming in the car. Luke, who was also exhausted, had complained of a headache, so when her screaming got to decibels even the deaf dogs could hear, so did his. At that point all you can do is laugh, and pray that we all get home in one piece because no spanking, words, or life lesson would work at that point, and a 5 year old and 2 year old with no nap, who are used to going to bed at 8! What ensued when we got home was something out of a horror movie.

I couldn’t believe my two year old could cry, scream, writhe, say “no”, pull out her own hair, and kick that much and for that long. GOOD LORD IN HEAVEN ABOVE – HAVE MERCY! She gave a whole new meaning to “weeping and gnashing of teeth.” At one point I looked at her and said, “Mary Flynn, I am going to win.” To which her daddy said, “She doesn’t know what that means,” and starts laughing. And he was probably thinking to himself, “A 2-year old and an only child who likes to get her way (which is me, in case you didn’t know) – now this should be interesting.”

Finally after promises of books, movies, etc., none of which worked, I decided to bed we would go and I was going with her to make sure we laid this hit to rest – PUN INDENDED! Laying there in her bed I looked at my sweet baby trying for the 100^th time to make her way out of her bed to get away from me. Screaming, crying, and kicking, “Let me go, Let me out.” And I told her that I loved her and started patting her back. I felt like I had gone 8 rounds with Mike Tyson when she finally closed those big blue eyes and gave up. And at that moment, I realized that only a mother could love a child during and throughout a colossal meltdown like that. And a thought occurred to me: “This must be how God feels when I continue to push Him away. Crying, kicking and screaming, wanting my way – just like a 2-year old. Trying to do things myself and my way and throwing big ole fits when I don’t get it! And He says, “I have already won and I know what is best for you my child.” And what peace I would feel if I would just give it (whatever it is) over to Him and let Him do His thing. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO DO THIS! Why would I want to keep these burdens on myself when He is there to take them! Help me Lord not to fight but to listen and do what you call me to do.
And this verse from came to mind. Matthew 11:28-30 says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

In a conversation with a friend we were talking about this and she said, “Let’s just give lay it at His feet and go have fun!” Now fun might not always be the way we feel, but it sure is nice to lighten our load and give it up to Him. A lesson both Mary Flynn and I are learning together…at 2 and 32 (sounds better than 35)! J

What in the world am I doing writing a blog. I am ordinary, but I can be used. For years, God has been telling me to write. Well, I've always enjoyed writing and talking (too much most of the time) -- and can be kinda funny at times. I am going to try to use my ordinary, sin-filled, fun, not-so-perfect, joy-filled, crazy busy, love-filled, wouldn't-change-it-for-anything LIFE!

I am listening to what God has to tell me and sharing it here as my journal. Hopefully I will stick with it this time, since my last post was 10 months ago!!

masks and ashes

I am reading two books at the same time again and it's amazing how they are both speaking right to me and making me see myself for who I really am, a sinner in desperate need of a Savior. period.

 

In "not a fan" we are talking about masks and how we hide behind our "I am perfect" outer selves hiding all kinds of judgements, jealouses, doubts, fears, and imperfections.
He listed out several examples and here are a few that hit me:

Fans who won't go to R-rated movies at the theater, but have a number of them saved on the DVR at home. CHECK

Fans who may feed the hungry and help the needy and then they make sure they work it into every conversation for the next two weeks.

OUCH

Fans who like seeing other people fail because in their minds it makes them look better.

(this is the one that I HATE to admit my guilt on, but I do it)

Fans whose primary concern in raising their children is what other people think.

DO I DO THIS...AFRAID SO

Fans who are reading this and assuming I'm describing someone else. Fans who have work the mask for so long they have fooled even themselves.

 

Thank you Kyle Idleman for that reality check. And here is what he said next and it is so good:

"Jesus has harsh words for these fans who were trying to impress others through their religious credentials (Matthew 23). It's interesting to note that as severe as Jesus was with these religious leaders he is just as tender and encouraging to those who have genuinely given him their hearts, even if they don't have it all together on the outside. Please don't miss this: Jesus doesn't expect followers to be perfect, but he does call them to be authentic."

 

And I download both of Emily P. Freeman's books Graceful (for young women) and Grace for the Good Girl. Since I think I am still 18 sometimes, I started reading Graceful and in my walk let me just say that I am like 2 years old. And here are her words that struck me like a ton of bricks when talking about reputation (Works/what we do):
 

"The answer for all of us is the same, no matter our reputations. TRUST JESUS. Lean hard into him. Know that even if nobody else knows how bad you've messed up, he knows. Know that your brokenness does not repulse, him, it attracts him. Know that the best we can come up with on our own is merely a heap of ashes. (and now the 'WOW' moment for me) WHETHER YOUR ASHES ARE A PILE OF GOOD WORKS OR OF BAD DECISIONS, IT'S ALL ASH. And He came to make it beautiful."
 

There aren't word to describe what this means to me and how I see myself, and really from both perspectives. On almost every page there are great points for me, and especially for young women who are still out there "finding" themselves. My prayer is that they will turn to El Roi, The One who sees, to guide them, not to the things of this world, because let's be clear, I tried that and it didn't work (Hello college). But like Emily said, during that time my bad decisions helped me to see my need for Him. Rob and I were having this conversation about college and He made a very good point: "I learned what mercy, grace, and true forgiveness really were." And at this point in my life, I want/try to do good, but really they are ashes too, when my works aren't being done for the right reason, which is to further God's kingdom.
 

"WOW" moments. A few weekends ago at Emmaus, Bill Beavers asked us to look for "Wow" God moments, where you see the hand of God at work. We saw them everywhere because we were fully aware of His presence around us. It's a little bit harder out here in the real world, but I am trying harder to see them! And just like my "wow" moment I had when reading Emily's book, these moments can be inward within myself or outward seeing or helping others see God in this world.

Lord, help me to be "awe-ware" of you today and see the "wow" moments all around me!



From pumpkins to eternity

Yesterday I taught the 1st and 2nd grade girls for their Wednesday afternoon church activities and it was such a blessing. We carved pumpkins and talked about how being a Christian was like being a pumpkin. As an afterthought several months ago, I had saved a little piece of paper off of the floor that was once a paper plate that one of the boys had made into a pumpkin at school then, once home, tore into a million little pieces, save this piece of paper on how being a Christian was like being a pumpkin. When Laura asked me to do the lesson for her I thought that would be so much fun and a wonderful message for these girls. And this was it:

 

Being a Christian is

like being a pumpkin

God lifts you up, takes you in, and washes all the dirt off of you.

He opens you up, touches you deep inside and scoops out ALL the yucky stuff – including the seeds of doubt, hate, & greed.

THEN, HE carves you a new smiling face and puts HIS lifght inside you to SHINE for all the world to see!

They were totally grossed out by all the "yucky stuff" inside those pumpkins, and I told them that is what it feels like for God when we sin, yucky!!! fter our class these girls prayed the sweetest prayers for others, for each other, and for people to see their lights shining! I was so touched by them -- such sweet, beautiful spirits!

Well, of course when we got home the boys and Mary Flynn wanted to carve one too, so we did. Normally I would have said no, but I am so glad I said yes! I am going to start saying "yes" a lot more! So, I got out the little knives and asked them if they knew how being a Christian was like being a pumpkin. And the next conversation is one I will never forget:

Reed: What is a Christian?

Me: Someone who loves God very much, and Jesus lives in their heart and forgive them for their sins.

Reed: I want Jesus to live in my heart.

Luke: I want God AND Jesus to live in my heart...(someone is always trying to outdo the other one)

Me: Well, you have to pray to him and tell him...why don't we say a prayer right now?

Reed: Nope, I am going to wait until I go to bed.

And later when we got into bed, Reed said, "I want to say my prayer first!!" Ususally this is a point of contention because neither Reed or Luke EVER wants to go first. So Reed said, "Dear God thank you for this day. Please come into my heart and help me to be good. Please come into my heart. Help me to have a good day tomorrow. Amen!"

Who knew that simple pumpkin would bring this precious child the key to eternity. Thank you God for this gift that you have given us. Please help Reed to always remember this day and cherish what you have given him and all of us. Grace, forgiveness, mercy, and love.



mini "Worship" moments

Back to to running this month and I am enjoying listening to praise and worship as I run. I have given up rap...hard to admit that I love/loved rap music (I guess it's the public school girl in me), and even though I love the way it sounds, the words made me a little uncomfortable. Anyway, I am sure I will sneak in some of the milder oldies but goodies, but for the most part I am parting ways with rap. But I still love music and cry all the time when a song that touches me comes on the radio. I cry all the time in general, I mean not tears of sadness, but of joy. Brother Mike has been preaching the last few Sunday's on worship and I feel like I am having a little "worship moment" when I am moved to tears by the Holy Spirit...that He is grabbing my attention saying, "Here that? I did that for you!" or "This is how much I love you!" Right now on my running playlist there are several songs, where at any given time I may be bawling my eyes out! One is a song remade by the group HighRoadIII (who came to FUMC several months ago), called How Deep the Father's Love for US. Cry.Every.Time. And this is where it gets me every single time:

It was my sin that held Him there (this breaks my heart, and the tears start falling)
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life (HE has brought ME life)
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything (and how hard is that)
No gifts, no power, no wisdom (super super hard)
But I will boast in Jesus Christ (YES LORD!!!)
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward? (I shouldn't)
I cannot give an answer (????)
But this I know with all my heart (and believe it)
His wounds have paid my ransom (WOW!!! Thank you for loving a big ole sinner like me!)

So, I cry, as my little "worship moments," thoughout the day. Praising Him for what He did for me, a sinner. I can't wrap my mind around it, but thankfully I don't have to. I just accept His grace and mercy and LOVE Him!