masks and ashes

I am reading two books at the same time again and it's amazing how they are both speaking right to me and making me see myself for who I really am, a sinner in desperate need of a Savior. period.

 

In "not a fan" we are talking about masks and how we hide behind our "I am perfect" outer selves hiding all kinds of judgements, jealouses, doubts, fears, and imperfections.
He listed out several examples and here are a few that hit me:

Fans who won't go to R-rated movies at the theater, but have a number of them saved on the DVR at home. CHECK

Fans who may feed the hungry and help the needy and then they make sure they work it into every conversation for the next two weeks.

OUCH

Fans who like seeing other people fail because in their minds it makes them look better.

(this is the one that I HATE to admit my guilt on, but I do it)

Fans whose primary concern in raising their children is what other people think.

DO I DO THIS...AFRAID SO

Fans who are reading this and assuming I'm describing someone else. Fans who have work the mask for so long they have fooled even themselves.

 

Thank you Kyle Idleman for that reality check. And here is what he said next and it is so good:

"Jesus has harsh words for these fans who were trying to impress others through their religious credentials (Matthew 23). It's interesting to note that as severe as Jesus was with these religious leaders he is just as tender and encouraging to those who have genuinely given him their hearts, even if they don't have it all together on the outside. Please don't miss this: Jesus doesn't expect followers to be perfect, but he does call them to be authentic."

 

And I download both of Emily P. Freeman's books Graceful (for young women) and Grace for the Good Girl. Since I think I am still 18 sometimes, I started reading Graceful and in my walk let me just say that I am like 2 years old. And here are her words that struck me like a ton of bricks when talking about reputation (Works/what we do):
 

"The answer for all of us is the same, no matter our reputations. TRUST JESUS. Lean hard into him. Know that even if nobody else knows how bad you've messed up, he knows. Know that your brokenness does not repulse, him, it attracts him. Know that the best we can come up with on our own is merely a heap of ashes. (and now the 'WOW' moment for me) WHETHER YOUR ASHES ARE A PILE OF GOOD WORKS OR OF BAD DECISIONS, IT'S ALL ASH. And He came to make it beautiful."
 

There aren't word to describe what this means to me and how I see myself, and really from both perspectives. On almost every page there are great points for me, and especially for young women who are still out there "finding" themselves. My prayer is that they will turn to El Roi, The One who sees, to guide them, not to the things of this world, because let's be clear, I tried that and it didn't work (Hello college). But like Emily said, during that time my bad decisions helped me to see my need for Him. Rob and I were having this conversation about college and He made a very good point: "I learned what mercy, grace, and true forgiveness really were." And at this point in my life, I want/try to do good, but really they are ashes too, when my works aren't being done for the right reason, which is to further God's kingdom.
 

"WOW" moments. A few weekends ago at Emmaus, Bill Beavers asked us to look for "Wow" God moments, where you see the hand of God at work. We saw them everywhere because we were fully aware of His presence around us. It's a little bit harder out here in the real world, but I am trying harder to see them! And just like my "wow" moment I had when reading Emily's book, these moments can be inward within myself or outward seeing or helping others see God in this world.

Lord, help me to be "awe-ware" of you today and see the "wow" moments all around me!



From pumpkins to eternity

Yesterday I taught the 1st and 2nd grade girls for their Wednesday afternoon church activities and it was such a blessing. We carved pumpkins and talked about how being a Christian was like being a pumpkin. As an afterthought several months ago, I had saved a little piece of paper off of the floor that was once a paper plate that one of the boys had made into a pumpkin at school then, once home, tore into a million little pieces, save this piece of paper on how being a Christian was like being a pumpkin. When Laura asked me to do the lesson for her I thought that would be so much fun and a wonderful message for these girls. And this was it:

 

Being a Christian is

like being a pumpkin

God lifts you up, takes you in, and washes all the dirt off of you.

He opens you up, touches you deep inside and scoops out ALL the yucky stuff – including the seeds of doubt, hate, & greed.

THEN, HE carves you a new smiling face and puts HIS lifght inside you to SHINE for all the world to see!

They were totally grossed out by all the "yucky stuff" inside those pumpkins, and I told them that is what it feels like for God when we sin, yucky!!! fter our class these girls prayed the sweetest prayers for others, for each other, and for people to see their lights shining! I was so touched by them -- such sweet, beautiful spirits!

Well, of course when we got home the boys and Mary Flynn wanted to carve one too, so we did. Normally I would have said no, but I am so glad I said yes! I am going to start saying "yes" a lot more! So, I got out the little knives and asked them if they knew how being a Christian was like being a pumpkin. And the next conversation is one I will never forget:

Reed: What is a Christian?

Me: Someone who loves God very much, and Jesus lives in their heart and forgive them for their sins.

Reed: I want Jesus to live in my heart.

Luke: I want God AND Jesus to live in my heart...(someone is always trying to outdo the other one)

Me: Well, you have to pray to him and tell him...why don't we say a prayer right now?

Reed: Nope, I am going to wait until I go to bed.

And later when we got into bed, Reed said, "I want to say my prayer first!!" Ususally this is a point of contention because neither Reed or Luke EVER wants to go first. So Reed said, "Dear God thank you for this day. Please come into my heart and help me to be good. Please come into my heart. Help me to have a good day tomorrow. Amen!"

Who knew that simple pumpkin would bring this precious child the key to eternity. Thank you God for this gift that you have given us. Please help Reed to always remember this day and cherish what you have given him and all of us. Grace, forgiveness, mercy, and love.



mini "Worship" moments

Back to to running this month and I am enjoying listening to praise and worship as I run. I have given up rap...hard to admit that I love/loved rap music (I guess it's the public school girl in me), and even though I love the way it sounds, the words made me a little uncomfortable. Anyway, I am sure I will sneak in some of the milder oldies but goodies, but for the most part I am parting ways with rap. But I still love music and cry all the time when a song that touches me comes on the radio. I cry all the time in general, I mean not tears of sadness, but of joy. Brother Mike has been preaching the last few Sunday's on worship and I feel like I am having a little "worship moment" when I am moved to tears by the Holy Spirit...that He is grabbing my attention saying, "Here that? I did that for you!" or "This is how much I love you!" Right now on my running playlist there are several songs, where at any given time I may be bawling my eyes out! One is a song remade by the group HighRoadIII (who came to FUMC several months ago), called How Deep the Father's Love for US. Cry.Every.Time. And this is where it gets me every single time:

It was my sin that held Him there (this breaks my heart, and the tears start falling)
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life (HE has brought ME life)
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything (and how hard is that)
No gifts, no power, no wisdom (super super hard)
But I will boast in Jesus Christ (YES LORD!!!)
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward? (I shouldn't)
I cannot give an answer (????)
But this I know with all my heart (and believe it)
His wounds have paid my ransom (WOW!!! Thank you for loving a big ole sinner like me!)

So, I cry, as my little "worship moments," thoughout the day. Praising Him for what He did for me, a sinner. I can't wrap my mind around it, but thankfully I don't have to. I just accept His grace and mercy and LOVE Him!

God's Love

LOVE is all we need the Beatles said. But 1,000s of years before this God said it: the greatest of these is LOVE. "Your love, your love, the only thing that matters is your love," says Brandon Heath. It is what helps us to love others, it has enabled us to go to heaven. We have a daily devotion at work and a co-worker was praying one morning and she thanked God for his love. "Thank you God for your love!" WOW! I had never thought about this (am I an idiot or WHAT?) and find myself praying daily, thanking God for his love. What is more important than this!? I sin and stumble daily, and I know God's love is there. He is there to wrap His arms around me so I can truly, physically feel the warmth of His love. Your love that never fails, never boasts, isn't pride filled. Your love that is so pure in the filth-filled world we live in. How is it that you can love me, surrounded by my filth and rags? Humble me today Lord, humble me to see your love everywhere I look, in faces, in places, in my family, in my world. Help me not to waste a minute with facebook, twitter, bad TV. 

After reading a blog called Life in Grace recently, I found words Edie spoke on this very subject, "No matter what life is throwing at you, you can be sure that He is up to something, and that something is love. So, whether your house burns down or your spouse leaves or your children rebel or you have cancer—there is one thing you can count on. For the sake of Christ, God has loved you with an everlasting love.  He is your Father and He knows your sorrow and counts your tears. He will make every piece of the puzzle make sense. He is not waiting for you to obey or be strong or be faithful. He has obeyed and been strong and faithful in your place."

WOW! God's love IS AMAZING!

all of you

Well, I normally talk about my chillin (Southern for children) on here, but today I am going to talk about something a bit more spiritual. And I love my family and am so blessed to have them! God has also blessed me with some amazing friends throughout my life and continues to do so today. I read this scripture last night and it made me feel so full because I am so so so thankful. I have great Christian friends, women who work for God everyday, and who believe that prayer works, because we have seen it work. Brother Mike loves to quote John Wesley who said, "God does nothing but in answer to prayer." So why are we peddling and peddling to find answers when prayer is so powerful, yet so simple. This is how I feel about my good and kind friends who walk with God daily and are striving to do his work.Thank you God for giving me these friends and thank you friends for inspiring me by your words and most importantly your actions.
We always thank God for all of you and continually mention you in our prayers. We remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by home in our Lord Jesus Christ.  1 Thessalonians 1:2-3

Catch up with myself!

Well, I had promised myself I would do better, then a month has whirled by and I have no blog posts to show for it. BUT I am jotting this post down right now as a blogging "to-do" list and am going to come back to each topic, b/c there is a lot of this stuff that I don't want to forget!
1) Mary Flynn is 9 months old...CRA-ZEE!! We lowered her baby bed down the day of the 9 month b-day which was October 4th and it made me sad. She has a little cyst on her ear and we will be going to see an ENT about what to do about it...getting it removed and finding out exactly what it is. Doesn't seem to bother her but we want to know. Also, she is patting some cakes, waving bye, and will say, "da-da-da-da-da-da-da" if you say it too! Can get around a room, but it is a Houdini act b/c the girl "ain't" crawling anywhere but backwards.
2) Found boys Star Wars Halloween costumes (Luke -- Darth Vader (go firgure), Reed -- Luke Skywalker) at Dirt Cheap for $5 each (ended up with 2 Darth Vader masks which was CLUTCH!). Need to do a whole post on all the jewels I have found at dirt cheap...love/hate relationship with that place. They want Mary Flynn to be Princess Layla, which was not MY first choice for her, but I have to remember that next year they may/may not want anything to do with her!
3) Rob's grandfather died last week after a long battle with alzmiemers and had one of the most beautiful funeral services I have ever witnessed with lots of wonderful scripture and stories about his life...I still get emotional thinking about it and his precious grandmother who was married to him for 65 years!
4)  AND my migranes are back...ugh. After a 5 year sabbatical they reared their ugly head about 4 weeks ago and after a crazy trip to the emergency room, we thought it best to see a Neurologist. She gave me some new meds to try, did MRI (which found nothing...Rob loves to make jokes about this) and said to try the meds when the next one came, if it came. Well, the next one came the day after I went to see her. Long story short, my miracle has come in the form of Maxalt -- I LOVE YOU creators of this wonderful drug. I started getting symptoms, took Maxalt, and 20 minutes later I felt like (I almost said $1,000,000, but wouldn't go that far) REAL GOOD compared to how I normally feel after one. 
5) Soccer is starting. Boys are thrilled. And we are too b/c our good friend Jeff is their coach. Rob is the #1 assistant. Both boys are on the same team which is clutch! I am sure there will be some hilarity involving this throughout the season and I will be posting under a new label: "things I want to remember!"

6) Our church is simulcasting David Platt's Secret Church on "Family, Marriage, Sex, and the Gospel" and we are so so so so excited. I am already feeling God work in our community with this and I know He is going to bring lots of people into our church for this event. David Platt is such a powerful preacher and I know that many lives in our community and around the world will be touched by the message God shares through him!
7) I feel like these years are FLY-ing by and I am in a fog of work, school, etc. Lord, help me to live each day with the grace you give me! And to be thankful. And to share myself with others. And for my children to know WHY they love me! And why I love them! And most importantly, why You love them! Philippians 4:6-7 
 

5, 3, and 8 months...and playing catch up!

Where has the time gone? I am going to play a little bit of catch up here and update myself on how quickly my children are growing up. Let me just say...I am NOT ready for 6, 4, and 1! 

Reed:
1st day of school, August 5th, with Mary Flynn and Mimi

First day with me!

• Turned 5, August 15
• Wanted boxers for his birthday and hasn't skipped a day in wearing them. Bye bye my little boy.
• Also wanted a "sight-bow" which he got and is hitting that (gosh-awful plastic deer) target in our backyard every time! I can't help but scream with excitement every time he hits it though!
• Also got a Nintendo DS for his birthday and is impressing me each day with his hand-eye skills AND (super big plus) is for the most part letting his little bro look on with delight when he plays it! 
• Started school this year and is can't get enough!
• Loves his sister to pieces! 
• I asked him a few nights ago who his girlfriend was to which he replied, "I don't know, I hadn't thinked about it yet!" Good Boy!

 

LUKE:
On his first day of school, August 15th

• Mothers, lock up your daughters...this boy is going to be something (still not sure what).
• My middle child, who is a lover and a fighter and who's favorite phrases right now are, "No mommy!" and "Mommy, you are mean", and "I love you, mommy!" He cares about me, but sometimes I wonder if he would sell me for some candy.
• Would definitely sell his sister for candy -- no doubt in my mind!
• And speaking of candy, he LOVES it! Would eat it for every meal and in between. 
• Just started 3K  and loving it (finally)...first day, not so much.

MARY FLYNN:

• Sweet baby girl! She turned 8 months old on September 4th and I absolutely CANNOT believe it! 
• Is getting the hang of baby food BUT it is still the most frustrating part of my day trying to get it into her mouth...I need to take a video of the process and post. 
• She is now eating puffs, taking a bath in the big bath tub, and moved up to size 3 diapers this week.
• Having fun making her precious things which I am planning to put on another post!